It was now around 7am and we wanted to do whatever we could to keep the show rolling. The nurses there were great and seemed like they actually took the time to read my birth plan and know that I really wanted a natural labor. So they knew I didn't want to be chained to the bed by monitors and IV's. I did have to get a hep-lock in my hand (which sucked) and the baby and I had to be monitored around once an hour. So the monitors were strapped to my belly, but could be unplugged and draped around my neck so I could be out of bed. Dano and I must have done about a billion laps around the birthing center! I found that I need to lean over whenever a contraction would come on, so as we were walking, I would have to stop and grab onto the railing or find a counter to lean on to breath through it. I also sat on an exercise ball a lot, leaned over the bed, swayed, kneeled on the "couch" in my room, and finally decided to take a shower. The shower had a bench and a handheld showerhead, so I sat on the bench and just sprayed it directly onto my belly for probably a half an hour. It also really helped to spray it down my back when a contraction would come on. So this was our routine all day as the hours continued to pass.
I think around 8am was the next time I got checked and I was 4cm. This apparently is when they consider you in active labor. So the nurse I had at this point, was not counting ALL the laboring I had just done for the last 13 hours. Well she can kiss my butt! They can go by centimeters and call it whatever they want, but I think if you can't go about your life because of contractions, that you are in active labor. I had now not slept for over 24 hours, I couldn't do anything but breathe and concentrate through the contractions, so 4cm or not, I was IN LABOR all that time! We found out she felt this way because I asked her if she thought I'd have the baby by 7pm (which to me would be 24 hours of labor), and she said no way, because I "had only been in labor since 8am, so that's less than 12 hours, which is short for a first timer". Whatever lady!
We also got to meet the on-call doctor around 8am. I was pretty sad to not get my own doctor, but she had been on call the night before and apparently only comes in if she's not on call if it's Monday through Friday 9-5. I did not enjoy the on-call doctor, and that is putting it mildly. He had some saying, that for the life of me (and Dan) cannot remember, but it drove us nuts. He would talk a lot, but not ever really SAY anything. And he clearly did not read my birth plan as one of the first things he said to me was that "if I ever need anything for pain I should let him know". HELLO! ON my birth plan I wrote "Please do not offer me medicine at any point. I will ask if I want it." So, while I know it was still ultimately my decision an not right to "blame" anyone, I definitely blame him for not getting my natural labor. He also told me that it would never be too late for medicine unless I was actually pushing...again, thanks for that doc!
So we continued all the day, the hours just kept passing. It was weird, you'd think time would go slow, and in a way it did, but in another way, it was like it just kept going, hours would pass in the blink of an eye, and I'd just keep counting how long I had been doing this! When we'd do laps around the hospital, I'd see the new babies pictures outside of their rooms and just get so sad and discouraged! I wanted to meet MY baby and for this to be over! My parents came at some point in the late afternoon and spent a lot of time in the waiting room.
I know at one point my nurse checked me and said I was about a 5, with a bulging bag of water. So we were walking more, hoping that would break and speed things up...no such luck. At one point when I was getting back into bed, I thought I felt a gush and we hoped it was my water. But my nurse checked and determined it was just MORE bloody show. TMI, by the way, I was bleeding the ENTIRE time I was in labor! I had to walk around with the mesh undies and GINORMOUS pad the whole time. IT. SUCKED. Then at 7pm, yet another nurse showed up, my 3rd one during this labor process. She ended up being my lifesaver though!
Honestly from 7pm til maybe 10pm or later are quite a blur. I do remember the pressure becoming UNBEARABLE though. It's like I barely remember how the contractions felt, because they were NOTHING compared to the pressure. When I was sitting in bed, I was trying to hold myself up with my hands so my butt was off the bed, because somehow that felt like it relieved some of the pressure. Though I don't think it really did. I remember Dan saying to me at one point that my hands were going to be SO sore, because he saw how I was trying to hold myself up. I was also getting more...vocal...we'll say. At one point, my nurse had to go pump (she just had a baby 3 months ago) and Dan was going to the bathroom or getting water or something and I was so loud that some nurses from the nearby nurses station came in to make sure I was ok!
I don't remember the first time they told me I was 9cm, it could have been at 10pm. Possibly around that time the doctor said we should break my water since we thought it hadn't broken yet. So he busted out his big "crochet hook" and as soon as he went to do it, there was a huge gush! None of us could believe it, he thinks it had already been broken for awhile, so we're not really sure what happened there.
Between 10pm and 1am I think they must have checked me 100 times, because of the pressure I was feeling I was SURE one of those times I was going to be 10cm and it would be time to push! But nope, everytime they checked me, I was STILL 9cm! WHO gets stuck at 9cm!?!!?!! Everytime they checked and told me 9 AGAIN, I got more and more discouraged. I was SO close to the end and really doing this naturally and it just wasn't happening. Finally one of the times they checked, they said there was really just a "lip" left on my cervix that wasn't completely out of the way.
And at 1am the doctor came in to check and said that her head was not turned right! I couldn't believe it, this was NEVER going to end!!!! I was 30 hours into this and was completely losing it. A few times the doctor tried to "push the lip" out of the way, which he had to do DURING a contraction. That was by far the most pain I have ever felt in my entire life times a billion. He also tried to turn her head, again during a contraction, and I literally reached down and pushed his hands out of me and screamed at him because it hurt SO bad. The doctor gave me 3 options; we could keep waiting, get pitocin (huh?), or do a C-section! Are you kidding me?! The words I hoped I would never hear. I told him there was no way I could just "keep waiting" anymore! Of course, since he hadn't taken the time to read my birth plan, he offered me an epidural. I don't want to totally blame him, but in my head, I thought it was probably too late for one. So when he offered, I jumped at it :( I felt like a failure. My natural birth was going out the window, but at that point, I just couldn't continue. I was over 48 hours without sleep, over 30 hours without food (other than some bites of jello and a popsicle) and I just couldn't go on. Especially with not knowing how much longer it was going to be with the "lip" situation and now her turned head situation! So once I knew I was getting it, I turned into that maniac woman screaming "where is he!?! Where is he!!!?!!"
Besides wanting a natural birth, I was TERRIFIED of the epidural, I had watched a video of it being put in and it seriously made me cry. I DO NOT do needles, especially needles in my back! But everyone is right when they tell you, you don't even think about that when you're in that much pain for over 30 hours. Well he got it in and...I felt about 5 minutes of relief...This makes me even more angry that I went for it. It honestly barely helped me AT ALL. As I mentioned the thing that was really killing me was the PRESSURE, I don't even remember feeling contractions once the pressure started. Well my nurse informed me, as the needle is going into my back, that the epidural would not help with pressure....awesome. So for about 5 minutes I felt kinda floaty and light-headed. And that was it. MAYBE it took away the actual contraction pain, but like I said, that wasn't even phasing me at this point anyway! It didn't take ANYTHING off the pressure and I was in just as much pain :( Completely disappointing. I'd seen all these shows on tv where women get the epi and are in 7th heaven, having the time of their lives, even SLEEPING; which is what I hoped it could do! I was NONE of these things!
Dan and my nurse were my saviors of NOT getting a c-section. I knew my doctor had absolutely NO faith in me. In fact he told me I was probably not going to be able to get her out. At 2am the doctor said he was going to leave to let us discuss what we wanted to do. At this point, I was BEGGING Dan to let me get a c-section. I just was DONE, I couldn't take anymore. I wanted to just lay and have them pull my baby out and for this to be overrrr. But Dan and my wonderful nurse knew this is not what I REALLY wanted and the convinced me to try pushing at least for a little while. They talked me into trying to push for 30 minutes and see if I could make any progress. So for 30 minutes, just me, Dan and my amazing nurse pushed. Kelly (my nurse) was convinced I could do it, she said I was pushing great and that they could see her head! And for the record, pushing SUCKS. I had heard a lot of women say that pushing was somewhat of a relief because you were now doing something active in your labor and that it felt good to push back against the pressure....NO, it's sucks. I did not feel either of those things. In fact, I thought it felt disgusting!
So at 2:30am the doctor came back (fully ready to take me to surgery I'm sure) and Kelly convinced him to watch me push. He did and was finally convinced. Next thing I knew all kinds of stuff was happening. About 4 more people came in the room, along with lots of tables, instruments, and other scary things! The doctor started to put on his "baby-catching gear" and actually said to me "Ok, you convinced me you're getting her out, I'm suiting up". By this time, I had a cold wash cloth on my head, I was eating ice chips, and I'm pretty sure they put an oxygen mask on me for awhile. Since I was still feeling so much pressure in my "bones" the doc offered some other sort of numbing thing that he could inject "downstairs". But, he warned me, it had to be done during a contraction and he knew I wasn't going to like that. But I agreed and somehow survived it and I guess it helped. I say I guess because I'm not convinced it did much, but the reason I knew it did was because at some point he said he was going to have to inject it again before it wore off. Well according to Dan, he literally JAMMED a 10" needle into me and I didn't make a peep! The doc said "I guess it was still working". LOL.
ANYWHO (I promise I'll wrap this up) finally she decided to make her appearance at 3:01am. With one last final push and (according to Dan) the doctor literally grabbing her head with one hand and yanking her out, SHE WAS OUT! I could (and still don't) believe that I got her out! I finally did it! 32 hours, the epidural I didn't want, the ALMOST c-section...she was finally here! They put her on my chest and I just couldn't believe it. There's nothing to describe it, it was just amazing. They did take her from me fairly quickly because she was breathing a bit weird (which maybe I'll get to in another post).
The doctor told me that "she gave me one minor tear at the end"...uuhh maybe because you YANKED her out...so he had to sew me up. Which sucked. I felt some of the pain of it, but mostly I just felt pulling, which was gross. It took him 30 minutes to sew me up!! And I kept asking if we were done. I'm sure he hated me, but the feelings were pretty mutual so that's ok. At some point they gave her back to me and said that she was "grunting" so they were going to have to take her to the nursery to get checked out and maybe get on some oxygen - again I'll try to make another post talking about the week after her birth, which pretty much sucked.
If you're still reading this...well...you must be crazy :) Hope you enjoyed my ramblings and were entertained at least a little. I will TRY to keep up with some monthly pictures of the peanut.
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